Lately I have had a vortex of emotion running through me. It started with a nightmare I had about my children that I am sure all parents have had at one point or another. Without going into the specifics of the dream, obviously this is a blog so you ask yourself, “Why NOT tell the specifics?” Honestly I just don’t want to relive it. I am a “back burner” sort of guy… and if I were to tell you what exactly happened in the dream, it would be staring back at me in print so. I will leave that part blank.
I want to be known as humble. That ultimate vibrancy of man’s duality against man that causes the great martyrs names to not be whispered in halls of scholars but screamed as though it needed a great urgency of punctuation.
My bouts with relationships between love and family, surely has impacted my current. I know I have wronged people. misjudged people, and how many times have we all said at one point or another that if we just knew NOW what we knew then, how much we would, and could change.
I am trying really hard not to dwell on the past but, what if something I did or shouldn’t have… had that butterfly effect today? Delayed cause and effect, really.
I feel like a hypocrite at times. Looking at what I have and complaining about something I feel is missing… but I feel it. Is there something that I am either doing or not doing… maybe my struggles with faith in God or A god? Claiming I was a child Christian, and an adult non-believer?
Just… so… damn… confused.
Can you tell?